Free At Last!

Hello again!

So, continuing from earlier today, here's a bit of why I was away for so long.
 I was suffering in silence for so long, and it just took it's toll on me. I had to disengage from most things and heal. I was swimming in dark waters when I started this blog and the blog was supposed to be an encouragement for others that may be suffering like me, but a drowning man cannot help another drowning man.

My depression reached an all-time high in 2013, and by August of 2013 I began to plan my own death. I had come to the point where I was soooo certain that it was the only solution to all my problems. I had been plagued by suicidal thoughts since I was 14, but this was the first time I was actually going to go through with it. My mind had spiraled out of control so bad that the only time I had peace was when I contemplated death.

Let me give you a brief background info about me.

I suffered from chronic depression for 24 years, since I was about 11 years old. It wasn't 'chronic' in the beginning but eventually became just that. It took complete control of my mind and left me a hopeless, tortured mess for years. I was always confused, always crying, always foggy-brained (for want of a better word). I perpetually felt utterly hopeless and helpless, rejected, unloved, unwanted. I avoided social situations and preferred to be by myself. Of course I had zero confidence or self-esteem, it was just non-existent, and I was always on the floor mentally. It affected my relationships even with my siblings (who all had their own issues that they were struggling with) and my grades at university. I remember sometimes I would try to read but would not be able to see the contents of my notes, or the pages would just be dark-ish. Weird, I know.

By 2013 I was 33 years old. My business had failed mostly because I had lost all motivation and passion for it. I had no money, no source of income, no friends, no joy, no peace, peace - that elusive thing. There was always a constant pain in my heart that I could not fathom, really. I was in a relationship that was draining me financially and was adding nothing to me. At a point I couldn't even afford bathing soap and I was constantly frustrated. I lived in a dark cloud and I could actually feel the darkness around me. 

Today, I am free. Totally free. And will share with you how that came about. Anyone that has ever been held in the grips of depression know that self-help books and all that don't help much, and anti depressants don't do much. With God though, all of it is gone in an instant. That is what happened to me. Anthony Robbins educated my mind (and I am grateful for him), but God healed and delivered me and I will tell you the story. Just know that if He did it for me, He can do it for you.

So, welcome back every one. I want to walk this road to recovery with you. Let's go on this journey together!


For now, I got a job! Yay!
I will get to you guys soon. Have a lovely day!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It Has Always Been All About God!

Image
It is amazing what a paradigm shift can do to you. In the course of our journey through life, we tend to take a lot of things for granted; the people God has placed in our lives, the fact that we have food to eat and a place to rest our heads at night, waking up in the morning, being able to sleep at night, but the greatest thing we take for granted is God. There is nothing we take for granted like God. Our opinion of grace has made us the most powerless, undisciplined Christians of all time. We take sin for granted; we take mercy for granted; we take the forgiveness of sin for granted. We have become lazy, uncaring, self-centered, prayerless, Word-less. I have been thinking a lot these days, especially last night. In my struggle to grow out of a poor self-image, to be healed of the damage depression had wrecked in me and to gain self-confidence and self-love which I was totally lacking, I had become lost in the process and elevated myself and my healing to become the most i...
Keep reading

Amazing Grace!

Image
On the first of November, 2013, Evangelist Duke preached on the grace of God at my local assembly. I never really understood what grace is. I was told it was the unmerited favor of God, but then I didn't really understand what favor was either. Again, dictionaries didn't help me much; I was missing something. I studied Romans 4: 16 & 17, but I think I ended up understanding what 'guarantee' meant, more than I understood grace. Honestly. On this Sunday, he said "grace is the excessive goodness and kindness of God." I swear you could almost hear the wheels in my brain screech to a halt. EXCESSIVE GOODNESS AND KINDNESS?!   There is really such a thing?!   That sounded really weird in my hearing, maybe because goodness and kindness were concepts I had had very little experience of in my dealings with people in my life, and I could not imagine it being excessive. Anybody that knew me eventually came to realize that I have "daddy issues...
Keep reading

The fool says in his heart, ‘there is no God’... Psalms 14:1

Image
I really do not mean to insult anyone, but check this out: It’s just amazing that people actually sincerely believe that there is no God. Their argument usually is that there’s so much that goes bad here, so many going hungry and starving, natural disasters that claims the lives of so many that shouldn't be if there was a God and so on. There’s no doubt that these things do happen, and it’s sad, really, that it happens at all. But does all that really mean there’s no God? It’s just ridiculous, the thought of it. People just don’t like to feel bad, and anything that makes them even remotely uncomfortable has just got to be evil. Usually, people who live in regions worst hit by hunger and famine and starvation and the resultant deaths, aren’t the ones claiming there’s no God. The majority of them do believe in God. It’s usually those who see the images, who have probably never gone without food except for when they chose to, who say things like that. What’s worse is that th...
Keep reading